the zen of Kemper
i remember the Right Brain and i having a few conversations about the zen of baseball and how compelling that makes the game. it starts when it starts, they play until they stop playing, the pitcher doesn't throw until he's ready, the batter won't step into the box until he wants to, there's no clock, no delay of game penalties, no overtime. baseball just goes until it doesn't.
the RB again led me to zen, the zen of Kemper, by her sheer belief in its existence. a zen referential loop, if you will. she believed it because it was, and it was because she believed it. cogito ergo est.
this weekend was the official Farscape convention in Burbank, a fact known to all Scapers not living under a rock. the Whole Brain was in attendance, along with the Brain Stem. we worked our eemas off, in a way that wasn't remotely fun or satisfying. although, i must admit that the navigational event to Trader Joe's, Smart and Final, Starbucks and Ralph's was one of the most psychotically amusing chunks of time i've shared with the RB, so, there's that. (curious. many of our driving endeavors share this same pattern. i sense a trend.)
the end game was the only thing that kept us going. i was frustrated, angry, marginalized, at times completely ignored, left out of multiple once in a lifetime opportunities, and spent a good deal of the weekend hungry. i missed most of the con itself. i managed to see about the last 5 minutes of Anth's appearance, but i missed Wayne and Kent McCord. i missed Lani. i missed a good chunk of Raelee, whom i just love the heck out of, even more than before. i missed Ricky....several times. i was lucky enough to witness all of Claudia's appearance, and she was incredible, warm, gracious, stunning....bitch. (it was deliciously precious when she called Ben in Australia. he was out with his kids. *sigh*) and i saw Gigi. sweet Gigi. i started to choke up when she began her time on stage with, "let me tell you about how i lost Farscape." my heart broke all over again, combined with the fractured emotional state i was already in, and nearly overwhelmed me. she was so fragile, and so clearly lost. but she struggled amazingly to keep herself up and going for the fans, who obviously mattered so much to her. at one point she got a playful look, poked her head backstage, stayed that way for a minute or two and then came back out.....with David Kemper in tow.
the fans roared, spontaneously jumping to their feet, and the zen of Farscape emerged.
his presence in the room was something i've rarely witnessed. his energy was tangible. faith made manifest. Gigi was physically drawing strength from him, oxygen to lungs, and kept moving to within inches of him as they answered questions together, as if too much space between them would allow the strength to escape.
DK was so calm. so, sure. from some private knowledge or his own sheer willpower i can't say, but it was all it took for me to heal. in that very moment. i felt it physically coursing through me, his faith, his strength, his amazement at what we had accomplished, and his absolute belief in our ability to achieve our end game. i don't know what he knows. it could be nothing. faith with no guarantees. i have no guesses, no educated opinions, no suppositions or hunches. just the zen of him. the zen of Farscape.
everything was worth it in that bubble of time. nothing that had transpired mattered anymore. the goal is clear and my faith is strong.
and never underestimate the magic of pizza and beer. another zen bubble of time, wrapped in laughter and friendship, shared committment and love. the army after a hard fought victory shares stories of battle across a welcoming fire. i have new friends now...French, sort of British, a scattering of Americans. they are Farscape. i am Farscape. we are strong.